Those Soft Nights
by FluffPuffCat
Summary: Shion and Nezumi share a bed, but Shion can't fall asleep.


Written for the 2019 No. 6 Secret Santa!

Life in the West Block was cold and harsh, full of deprivation. Since escaping here, Shion had learned that each day was a harsh battle for survival, whether it was against the elements, the persistent hunger, or other people. But recently, there was one new problem to his roster that he did not expect: sleeplessness.

Shion tossed and turned in the bed that he shared with Nezumi. He knew that he ought to fall asleep with ease, especially after a day spent washing Inukashi's dogs, an unexpectedly exhausting job. His muscles were tired, and his eyes were heavy. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't fall asleep. He wished he could just turn off his brain.

A couple of things were preventing him from falling asleep. First, he had gotten into an exciting series of novels from Nezumi's collection. Reading them before bed was a surefire recipe for insomnia, and yet he was so engrossed in those novels that he couldn't help but read them anyways. Nezumi had actually dragged him into bed tonight, threatening more painful measures if he kept the light on for a second longer. Second, Shion had discovered that Nezumi himself was actually quite a restless sleeper. Usually, Shion was the one to fall asleep first, only to be woken up by Nezumi's relentless tossing and turning. Could another person's insomnia be contagious?

Shion opened his eyes and saw through the darkness Nezumi's long, soft black hair. He wished Nezumi didn't sleep with his face turned away. Nezumi had such a pretty face, and he would give anything to be able to get just one more look at his elegant features.

Slowly, Shion inched in closer to Nezumi, close enough to breathe in the scent of his hair. It was such a good smell, the kind of scent that made his whole body feel warm and fuzzy. He felt that if he could bury his face into Nezumi's hair, he would be able to sleep restfully the whole night. Would Nezumi let him do something like that?

Well, why not try it out?

Shion moved until he was close enough that their heads were almost touching. The heat of Nezumi's body washed over him, providing him an intimate comfort that was pleasant beyond words. As he closed his eyes, he realized he longed for more touch, more warmth. All of a sudden, he felt the urge to wrap his arms around Nezumi's sleeping figure. Of course, he knew that if he actually did that, he would probably receive a fist to the face. But when their bodies were already so close, he found it hard to resist the temptation.

Damn, he ought to be trying to sleep! Tomorrow was a big day. Winter was near, so he was planning on going to shop for some warm clothes in the city market.

The figure in front of him spun around and opened a pair of cold, steely eyes.

"What." The eyes seemed to utter, and it took a moment for Shion to be broken out of his trance to realize that the owner of those eyes was, in fact, speaking to him.

"I…I was cold," Shion said. "I wanted some of your heat."

"I'm not your personal furnace. Give me some space, or I'm going to kick you out. You want to spend the rest of the night sleeping on the floor?"

"N-No. Sorry. The floor would be even colder."

"That's the point. Now, move it."

Shion hesitantly drew back, his heart penetrated by the coldness of those eyes. Yet, he did not feel direct enmity from their glare. There was another feeling behind those eyes, a feeling that he found hard to put into words, because like the comfort that he felt from being close to Nezumi, from being by Nezumi's side, it was something that grew out of conflict, out of contradictions, an emotion that flickered to life as bright as a candle and swiftly faded into darkness.

When he escaped from No. 6 to live with Nezumi in the West Block, he had wanted to learn about Nezumi's world, his way of looking at things and people and all the sensations that made life colourful. He wanted to understand that deep conflict beneath those eyes.

In the quiet darkness that they shared in this bed at night, he wished for a deeper connection, a thread to link their hearts so that a bridge could be formed over the chasm that separated their existences.

"Are you going to go to sleep or what?" Nezumi spoke. "You're still staring at me."

"I'm sorry, but I can't sleep tonight."

"Why not?"

"I don't feel sleepy at all right now."

"Well, you better get to sleep, because you won't have any energy for tomorrow if you're going to be up all night."

"But I can't sleep."

A flicker of annoyance. "What do you want me to do, then? I need to sleep. I'm going to kick you out of bed soon if you keep this up."

"Nezumi, I'm…I'm sorry." Shion turned his eyes away. "I won't bother you anymore."

Shion expected Nezumi to turn away from him, to face him with his back once more. It was just Nezumi's characteristic coldness. But when seconds, then a minute, passed, and Nezumi was still looking at him, the gaze in his eyes softer than before, he was frankly at a loss for words. Those eyes were too pretty to ignore, so he gazed back at them. A warmth began kindling deep down in his belly.

"You reminded me of how I was when I was younger," Nezumi said in a gentle voice. "Back then, I couldn't sleep well either."

Shion had not expected Nezumi to talk about his past at all. Nezumi had been so secretive about his own life in the months that they'd spent living together. He held his breath, hoping to hear more, even if it was a vain hope.

"It was before I moved to the West Block."

Nezumi turned to lie on his back and placed his hands behind his head. Shion wanted to keep looking at his eyes, so he inched in closer, hoping that Nezumi wouldn't notice.

Those deep grey eyes were filled with reminiscence, a quiet glow.

"I remember lying down in a bed of leaves," Nezumi whispered. "Hunger and cold made my body so weary that I felt I would die if I fell asleep. I'd sink into the ground, disintegrate into the soil, become nutrients for the grass and the worms. But that's the easy way out. I had to keep fighting. I had to survive.

"Those nights, I remember how my body ached from resting on the cold, uneven ground. Sleep didn't come easy. Though my body was tired, my mind kept racing. My mind was always alert for danger. I knew that anyone could come and kill me while I was asleep. I had to be vigilant at all times.

"When sleep finally came, it was a dark, dreamless rest, full of nameless anxiety. I don't think I'll ever forget those nights. They happened right after…"

Nezumi cut himself off so suddenly that Shion knew he must be delving into some hidden memory filled with unspeakable cruelty. Even though he was naive, even though he didn't know anything about the world, he knew that Nezumi's past contained some things that would break his spirit if they were unburied. Memories could sometimes be the most painful things.

"But they weren't all that bad." Nezumi's lips spread into a half smile. "Sleeping outside in the dead of winter has its pleasantries. If the skies were clear, you'd be able to see all the stars. Winter nights have the brightest skies. The stars would gleam like snowflakes about to fall. When I couldn't sleep, I'd count them."

Nezumi raised a finger and pointed at the ceiling. "One, two, three, four, five, six." He circled the air, tracing shapes that Shion knew had to be meaningful, even if he couldn't visualize what they were. "The stars kept me company. Stars have a voice. They can laugh, they can sing, they can dance. During the coldest nights in winter, when the world was silent, when I was all alone by myself, I'd hear their gentle song.

"It felt like an elegy to me, to humanity, our absurd struggles." Nezumi pointed at the ceiling again. "A star for each of humanity's six cities. One, two, three, four, five…six." His voice became so soft that even up close, Shion could barely hear him.

"The sixth star shone with arrogant brightness."

Suddenly, Nezumi laughed. A small and quiet laugh, tinged with bittersweet feelings. "Maybe those nights weren't so bad, those nights where I could see the stars. They'd never felt quite so lonely."

Shion tensed. "Nezumi, do you feel lonely now?"

The expression on Nezumi's face grew into tepid annoyance. "What? Why would I feel lonely? I've got an airhead taking up space in my bed, keeping me up at night for so long that I'm barely going to get any sleep!"

"No, I mean…before I moved in here with you."

"I…"

Nezumi did not say anymore. He remained quiet, staring apathetically at the ceiling.

Shion wondered how it must have felt to sleep outside on a winter night. In No. 6, that would have been unthinkable. Nobody would ever sacrifice the warmth and comfort of their own bed for a night out on the cold, hard ground in freezing temperatures. Also, because of the city's light pollution, there would barely be any stars visible out at night anyways.

Since moving to the outskirts of the West Block, Shion had noticed that the clear skies at night were filled with stars. He couldn't even count them all. Sometimes, he wished he could sit out on the lonely, lifeless plains and hear their quiet, twinkling songs.

No, he didn't want to do that by himself. He wanted to stargaze with Nezumi by his side, Nezumi there to guide him to hear the voices of the stars.

"I think the nights here are beautiful," Shion whispered.

Nezumi gazed at him, that conflicted expression in his eyes again. "Do you mean the night skies outside?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Why don't you go outside and gaze at the stars, then? I'd like to get some sleep, thanks."

"No, it's okay. I think my nights here with you are beautiful, too."

Nezumi's expression grew completely deadpan. "Shion, are you serious?"

"What?"

"Your…linguistic expression still needs vast improvement. I thought you'd be better by now, after reading all those books!"

"I don't get it."

A frustrated sigh. "Go to sleep. I'm not talking with you anymore."

"I…I can't sleep, though. It's so cold."

"Fine. If you really want to, you can move closer to me. Don't expect hugs or snuggles or anything. But if it'll help you go to sleep, I'll offer you some warmth…I guess."

With a smile, Shion moved in close to Nezumi, close enough to breathe in his comforting scent. He really couldn't get enough of it.

To his surprise, Nezumi placed an arm around his shoulder, pressing him in. They were close enough now that their faces were almost touching. Shion gazed into Nezumi's eyes, drinking in their delicate light. Their tender glow suffused his heart with intimate warmth. He felt something blossoming from deep within himself, small silhouettes of things, like threads of starlight. Threads that just slightly bridged the voiceless abyss between their two worlds.

The darkness of the world made the light of those eyes all the brighter.

He gazed into those quiet grey eyes until they closed, until the stars of the winter night - one, two, three, four, five, six - six stars, fell, finishing their song, and the world settled into a quiet, gentle darkness.


End file.
